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Monday, November 17, 2014

Following the sound of His voice

Transparency moment time: I go through seasons of faith. There are moments when I am in the word every day, I can confidently say I'm tight like this with Jesus, and that I'm stronger than I've ever been. Then... There are those moments that I'm not proud of. Those days that slip by without even glancing at my worn leather bible. It's those days that I feel like I've stepped so far from Jesus that I'm pretty sure I would need a spotlight to find Him again.
 
It's those moments that I'm reminded how blessed I am to have a God that adores me and welcomes me with open arms. ALWAYS.
 
I hate excuses. I really do. And that goes for everything in life. You couldn't show up? Just say you couldn't show up. Didn't feel like being social? Just admit you would rather spend time with the remote and tv. And what's even crazier is the fact that I'm making excuses right now. I don't know if it was the busyness of our wedding, or the traveling, or the approaching holidays, or the fact that I am exhausted by 8:30pm, but I have drifted from God like a lost pair of sunglasses in the Gulf of Mexico.
 
And I hate that feeling. It's a feeling of shame and bewilderment in my futile attempts to practice what I preach when in actuality, home girl hasn't whispered words of prayers to the Big Man like she should be. I can't help but always think, "WHAT are you DOING?!" Last week during bible study, I had that realization that my excuses are useless and wasted breaths. My season of wandering is solely because of me, and me alone.
 
Have I restored that kindling fire into a burning inferno for my passion of God? Not quite, but it's a daily process for me. And God is so patient with me. These seasons remind me so much of Nehemiah 9:16-33. It's a continuous war going on between our flesh and our spirit to follow God wholeheartedly. In the midst of all of the chaos, God provides His love, comfort, forgiveness, and so much more.
 
But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God. (Nehemiah 9:31)
 
In realizing that I have struggled with my nearness to God lately, I also realized that I have failed as a dutiful wife to Hunter. If I'm not encouraging him towards the Spirit and we're not growing together towards God, then what good is our marriage in the eyes of God?
 
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11)
 
So friends, the beauty in all of this is this: we will always fall short of the glory of God. It's just human nature because we are never of capable of being perfect. But, because of the love and mercy of God, we are always welcomed back with open arms.
 
...Come behold the wondrous mystery
Christ the Lord upon the tree
In the stead of ruined sinners
Hangs the Lamb in victory
 
See the price of our redemption
See the Father’s plan unfold
Bringing many sons to glory
Grace unmeasured, love untold...
(– Matt Boswell, Michael Bleecker, Matt Papa 2013)

 
Ember Grey: Grateful Heart

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6 comments:

  1. love this. I am the same with seasons and I am so frustrated with myself for falling off track so constantly!

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  2. I'm with ya on this one girl! There are times when I am sooo on it spiritually, then others like you said where it just is a dwindle. God knows our hearts, He sees our good works and every day I just try to do a little better!

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  3. oh Kel. I totally understand and can I just say, *been there*. And will be there again and again for the rest of my life, darn it. Yet I know He still welcomes me with open arms. Not a shake of His head (like I totally do at myself) and not a WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!, but instead He bends down, extends His hands to me and says with a smile on His face, "Hi. *There* you are." And THAT right there is proof that His love is the real deal. Keep on keepin' on, friend. He is right there with you, even when you've become distracted. XO

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  4. Right there with you Kelly. I have had serious seasons of wandering in my life, where I blatantly ignored all of the truths that I know about God, and followed only what I wanted (or worse, what someone else wanted). I can't even begin to tell you how good it felt to be walking back in the right path, following God's footsteps, when I finally split with my ex. And even still, after all that, I can find myself starting a devotional study with the greatest intentions, throwing myself in gung ho, and then losing the time, making excuses, and somewhere along the way I realize I stopped doing it altogether. There are so many things in this world trying to shake us from our convictions, even in tiny little ways, and I feel wholly susceptible to them often. Thankfully, He knows and understands and loves us anyway. He's not seasonal - and we are always welcomed back, as you say, into His arms!!

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  5. I totally resonate with times of distraction and wandering. I am so thankful for a God who has so much grace and love, and gently calls me back to Him. Like you said, with open arms :) I think the shame I sometimes feel when I haven't invested in that relationship in a while is evil attempting to discourage me and keep me down, because going back to God is so life-giving. Thanks so much for your honesty in this post. I enjoy posts that are so real and genuine.

    Stopping by from the link up.

    Kate

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  6. Oh Kelly, I know the feeling. You are right - it is such a shameful feeling. I've been more prayerful lately, but my time in the word has been struggling. Between traveling, being sick, LB being sick...it just hasn't been happening. I hate it! I also hate when I make time, but I rush through it...I tell myself I have to read, but I rush through my chapter and close it up so I can move on to the next thing. I need to be more prayerful about being intentional in my study. I can relate to your post!

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