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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

How to Survive Vet Visits

I'm always trying to plan our boys' vet visits at the most opportune times... Earliest possible slot on a Saturday morning. So when I received the sweet little reminder post-card that our boys were due for their annual check-up, I immediately booked the earliest possible time slot this past Saturday. Going to the vet is always an adventure for us - from the getting up and getting loaded up, to the arrival, to the actual visit itself. Allow me to walk you through our typical appointment...

6:30AM -- Slap alarm off and continue to snooze {we need to leave by 7:00 to make our 8:00 appointment - yes, our vet is 45 minutes away; no, I don't want to find one closer because we love our vet}.

6:55AM -- Wake up with a jolt, panic, freak poor husband out, and run out the door with dogs in tow. Make-up and brushed hair are moot points at this time - settle for a ball cap and some coffee to liven up and/or hide that hot mess.

7:15AM -- Finally get on the road because Jep refused to load up in the dog box.

8:10AM -- Arrive to said favorite vet; give the dogs an opportunity to sniff out the bushes and mark their territories. Go inside to check them in.

8:15AM -- The assistant comes out and needs your dogs weighed. I wrestle with my 75+ pound pit bull and finally get him onto the scale (he's shaking like a leaf at this point). While this is happening, Hunter is wrangling Jep towards the scale as he tries to es-cop-pey (escape, in Dory language).

8:20AM -- Dogs have been weighed and we are all in the room now, waiting for the vet. Vet comes in {she really is a sweetheart!} and our dogs begin to cry uncontrollably + attempt to tear down doors. It has dawned on them at this point that all that high-pitched we're-going-for-a-ride excited voices that mommy and daddy did earlier was all a ploy. I'm currently getting the evil eye from one dog and the how-dare-you look from another.

8:22AM -- Jep realizes the doors are not coming down so he promptly decides to relieve himself, just missing Hunter's boot. The smell is wretched but he's a lucky guy because that means no stool sample wand shoved up his hiney. Manny isn't as fortunate... {I told you you should've gone outside}.

8:30AM -- All shots are administered to both dogs, blood has been drawn from both dogs (along with Manny's unfortunate stool sampling), and our vet has only had to yank her hand back once quickly to avoid a minor nibble. And all checks out perfect!

8:35AM -- As we are exiting the room, Manny and Jep are high-tailing it to the nearest door. In Manny's attempts to flee, he breaks free from his collar, runs right to another dog awaiting his turn while the wide-eyed parents watch in alarm because, my gosh he's this vicious pit bull that is licking your dog's face off. Oh the horror!! {Please take note in my sarcasm}

8:36AM -- Manny is captured, taken outside with daddy and Jep, while I pay our wonderful hit-em-where-it-hurts vet bill.

9:25AM -- Arrive back home. Promptly take dogs inside, fix a large breakfast, and call it a day.

That, my friends, is how you survive a vet visit. With lots of laughter, drool covered jeans, and bacon.
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  1. This sounds like my children at the doctor.... Hahahahaha!!!
    Our vet is a 40 minute drive too, but they are awesome and not overpriced like the ones in town, so we make it work too :)

  2. Bahaha - I'm starting to feel grateful that I only have one small vet-hating dog! I swear she's a different dog on the way out than on the way in. I totally get where you're coming from about not wanting to find a closer vet. I'm sure there must be 50 vets closer to us than the one we use. It's a total pain, especially when we just have to pick up meds (a run I'll be making tomorrow) but I you couldn't pay me to switch to someone closer because I love our vet (actually, the entire office) way too much!

  3. hahah! This is awesome! I love the Dory language ;) Girl seriously- for you to wake up that early on a Saturday for your boys- bless you!! My mom drives 45 minutes away too because she loves her vet!