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Monday, November 30, 2015

#12MofBliss + Journaling

When Em announced the theme for this month's 12 Months of Bliss, I was so excited to write a love letter to myself. I thought of all the things I'd say, all the things I would want to someday look back on.
And then things happened. News arrived at our doorstep like an unwelcomed guest.
All thoughts of that original love letter to myself went completely out the window. I mean, honestly, how can one think about yourself when there are bigger things going on around you. And that's when I realized that I needed to write that letter.
Writing and journaling for me is therapeutic (hence, the blog). It allows me to feel all the emotions I want to feel, to say all the things I want to say... And then I can go back to it, read it, digest it, laugh about it. Cry about it. And nobody is really offended in the process. I really wasn't sure what to do with this blog when life decided to unabashedly show it's dirty little face. A once open-book person, I became a recluse with my thoughts and prayers.
That's why I needed to write the letter. My thoughts were eating away at my very soul. The questions badgered my brain into exhaustion. I literally have a pad of paper and pen at my fingertips at all times now, waiting for the next question to pop in my head and I jot it down vigorously before I forget it.
While I was writing my letter, I had the lyrics of a particular song on repeat in my mind...
I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours...
"The Stand", Hillsong United 
No matter what we're about to endure God, we're standing with our arms high and heart abandoned, giving it all to You.

And you know what's so unbelievably crazy about this simple little love letter to myself and practicing the art of positive thinking - it was as if God completely swept away the anxiety and replaced it with peace, love, and comfort. I have never felt such a peace on my soul - peace that He has got this and that no matter what happens, He is good and kind and loving. This love letter to myself also made me realize something very important - I don't have to have it altogether all the time. I don't have to be the one to fix the problem because sometimes, I simply can't.

Thank you Em, for inspiring us to look within ourselves and to remind ourselves of how much we are really loved by our Maker. Thank you for your friendship Emily, because it's folks like you that remind me of the beauty in this world.

Ember Grey Twelve Months of Bliss
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  1. Tears in my eyes as I read this, Kel. Thank you for sharing these parts of your heart in this space <3 Crazy how when you think you're about to write a letter to yourself from yourself, you realize God is asking you to see and love yourself the way He loves you. Only His grace, I tell ya. The #1 thing that can make me cry just by mouthing the word.

    Thankful for you. xo

  2. That song is so brings me to tears every time!

  3. Love the lyrics in that song...such a great reminder to keep our hands and hearts lifted high to him! Praying for you and your family, Kelly!

  4. Oh I love this. God is so so good. What an amazing exercise for all of us to practice.