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Wednesday, March 2, 2016

{Revelation}

Image MapSo I've briefly talked about my current struggle/wrestle/adventure with my spiritual walk. As I'm navigating through this really interesting time, I'm learning quite a bit about myself through a lot of self-reflection and conviction.
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Image MapDo I like it? No, but they don't call it "growing pains" for nothing.
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Image MapI believe every Christ-follower has a duty to be transparent because duh, #we'realljackedup, so I feel I should share with you my latest discovery. Are ya'll ready? It's not pretty...
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Image MapI feel like I don't belong in church (as in a place of worship, not necessarily talking about a body of believers).
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Image MapThat is currently something God and I are wrestling with and it's taking a lot of me not pointing the finger at others, but rather turning that accusing finger on myself. It hurts, I don't like how it makes me feel, and what's worse? I'm really struggling with it.

I saw this the other day - and oh how I wish I could feel that.
 
I struggle with the ritualistic, mundane, the-same-every-week routines that a church puts forth.
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Image MapGod says, "You're there to worship Me, not for Me to entertain you."
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Image MapI struggle with the prettiness and sitting in a building when I know there are people outside those walls needing Jesus now more than ever.
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Image MapGod says, "You need this time with brothers and sisters in Christ to ready yourself for those outside these walls."
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Image MapI struggle with the hypocrites and back-stabbers and liars and the too-good-to-deal-with-people-different-from-me folks.
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Image MapGod says, "First, you're not here for them. Let Me take care of them. Love the hard to love, sweet Kelly. Secondly, you're no different from them. You have done all of those things yet I still love you so much and I see you as a saint that sometimes sins."
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Image MapCan I get an amen real quick? And a Band-Aid for my boo-boos?
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Image MapSo friends, pray for me. Not so much for my heart to soften because I know that will come with time, and I can already see that God is softening my heart. But pray that I don't allow myself to be content with the fact that I don't like church. All that does is build up bitterness and resentment, and that's just plain ugly.

I will say this - I've been getting a pretty regular feeding of humble pie thanks to sweet friends and family who have been lovingly inviting Hunter and I into their small groups, to worship with them (however that may look), and who have been continually praying for us. Know that your prayers are being answered and are so deeply appreciated. All we ever want is to bring glory to God in everything we do!
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Image MapDo you have any prayers requests? How can I be praying for you?

4 comments:

  1. Love the hastag :-p #we'rerealjackedup Haha! Truth! Thanks for being so transparent, Kelly! It's such a legit struggle and something I've struggled with in the past too. Because of there being sin in the world, the church will never be perfect until Christ returns and that's tough. I'm so glad that you do have a good small group and I want you to know that you encourage me always and your my sister in Christ :) I am praying for you and Hunter, my friend! Love ya!

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  2. This is why I often find beautifully appointed churches a real help. When a place has been built with the words "all for the greater glory of God" in mind, I can get a real sense the Lord being there. This makes me want to be worthy of Him and helps me take the barriers from around my heart.

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  3. One of my theology professors shared a beautiful quote in class: "Find a perfect church if you will, and on the day you join it, realize it just became less perfect." I got a healthy dose of perspective that day! But I agree, church is hard for so many different reasons, many of which you listed. I think God honors our wrestling and I believe it is that wrestling which ultimately brings us to beautiful perspective regarding the body of Christ.

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  4. I'm sorry I missed this when you posted it! Oh friend, I adore your honesty and willingness to be exactly who you are in this space. I struggle with that myself. I *want* to feel like I belong at church, but I have a hard time connecting when I get distracted by all of those things too. It's not a nice feeling and it's not something I want to remain. Ah who am I kidding, there is soooo much work to be done in my own walk with God, church is only a small part of it really. But I love the points you make there, of what God is telling you to all of your concerns with the church body. I am taking those to heart myself!!

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