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Thursday, July 31, 2014

3 Southern Girls Link-Up: 8-legged freaks

Image MapI've mentioned before that I am deathly afraid of spiders. SO afraid that I've nearly wrecked, streaked out of a shower in my birthday suit for the world to see, and I've even called Hunter crying hysterically because the little 8-legged freak was on the inside of the windshield while I was driving.

And these little turds are never small. Nooooo.... they're the kinds that would eat an entire human if I gave them the chance.

With that being said, I decided to dig in the old blogger files and find that ever-amusing story of my encounter with an 8-legged freak. Ugh, even typing this makes my skin crawl.

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Ya'll...
I have a confession to make. If you don't already know, I'm deathly afraid of spiders. I'm talking screaming, running for my life, I wouldn't make it in Fear Factor deathly afraid. Put me in a room with roaches... Yea they're gross, but I can handle it. I might even name the little guys.

But spiders. No sir. I don't do them.

I have no shame in admitting that I've called Hunter before, crying, because a spider was on the inside of my windshield while I was driving. It was absolutely traumatic.

I've always said God has a funny sense of humor. Man oh man, He sure was messing with me yesterday.

After leaving work, being the good girlfriend I am, I decided to drive to our Bass Pro here locally to exchange a shirt for Hunter. Traffic was awful so we weren't really moving. When pulling up to a red light, I see something brown skitter across the back, top of my steering wheel (by all the speedometer, gas gauge, etc.).

And I spot him. A tarantula of a spider. Okay, maybe not a tarantula, but my God he wasn't a little bitty fella. At this point, I may or may not have let out a whimper, squeal, ohhh maahhh gahhhhh sound. I'm pretty sure folks around me were videotaping me at this point.

I immediately reach over to my passenger seat to arm myself to go in for the kill. What do I grab? Not a shoe. Not a rolled magazine. No, I grab my Sweet Baby Ray's sauce from my lunch bag. I wasn't thinking at this point people and it was the first thing my hand grabbed!

Once I grabbed my ever-faithful weapon, I turn back... And you guessed it. He's gone. Want to scare the turds out of someone deathly afraid of spiders? Let them see the spider, and lose the spider. That'll send any nerve-wrecked soul into panic mode.

So I did just that. I freaked. I immediately U-turn into our mall parking lot, park, and sat and watched. And waited. And searched. The little freak was gone!

At this point, I started praying. Yes, laugh away people. But I had to get home. And God's sense of humor got me into this; by golly I would pray my way out of it. So I bravely got back on the road. I may have flinched and/or screamed a few times on the way home when a hair brushed me. I was on high alert! I was constantly looking around my steering wheel, partly hoping to God he'd come out so I could just bludgeon it to death. The other part of me hoping he was burning on my motor because, let's be honest, I probably would've wrecked if he made an appearance.

I finally made it home, and still haven't found the spider. I considered taking the bus to work today. I thought about driving Hunter's truck to work. I even contemplated walking to work. But I put my big girl panties on, drove to work today, and made it fine. It was a tense ride to work I tell ya.

And no. I didn't make it to Bass Pro to exchange Hunter's shirt. Spider- 1 point. Kelly- 0 points. Spider wins.
 
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4 comments:

  1. Haha! I'm scared of spiders too. Maybe not as scared as you are, but scared. And spiders in the car are the worst! I had one on my steering wheel one time too. I quickly pulled off the road, jumped out, took my shoe off and proceeded to beat the living sh*t out of my steering wheel with it. I think I killed it. Lol! I know the passers-by got a good chuckle from me that day. Spider stories are the greatest!!

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  2. You are too funny Kelly! I don't like them but they bother me that much. My hubby is more like you! Haha!!

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  3. You crack me up hunny. But I can totally relate at the same time, I have a bit of arachnophobia myself so I totally feel your pain.

    --Me And My Mini Me
    www.meandmyminime.com

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  4. I'm going to confess something to you right now.... I did not read this post BECAUSE I, too, am deathly afraid of (I'm not even going to type the word.) That picture you used for this post? When that first came out, I'm not kidding- I had 9 people in my family email it to me or tag me on Facebook because it reminded them of me. So- I don't even need to read this post from you to say I HEAR YOU, LADY!!!!!!!! THEY ARE THE WORST!!!!!!

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