{Pieces}

Life tends to move at a wicked speed, as we have already all established together and agreed upon. Life can throw curve balls and changes that you may or may not have seen coming from left field. Life can leave you feeling like the world has taken and taken and taken, and you stand there with only your empty scarred palms held open. Life can make you feel like the world around you is falling to pieces, and all you can do is watch them scatter away.

Life can be like that sometimes. 

Days can be hard and moments can be rough, but clinging to the promise that God is who He says He is, it's the only way I can make it through each and every hard day or moment. Bringing my worries and cares, my chipped urn before Him, with my empty scarred palms held open is all He wants. The daily surrender of Your will, not mine. Your ways, not mine. Your plans, not mine. Your strength, not mine. I'm thankful that God has allowed me to be on His team. I'm thankful that God has called me His own, and He never grows tired of me coming to Him (even if it's about the same ole thang because let's be honest, processing things take time).

I know so many folks that go through each day as it comes without knowing the all surpassing peace that Jesus provides. And I say this not to be demeaning in any way, but because it's an honest question - How? How do you go through the hard without Him? I know I'm not strong enough to do any of this life without Him (believe me, I've tried!). More days than not, I'd rather just throw in the towel and say, "God, beam me up!" 

But to live is Christ, to die is gain as Paul says in Philippians. So I'm choosing to trust that God is who He says He is. I'm going to heed to the godly advice from a man (Paul) who's life was radically changed in physical and spiritual ways, because he must've been onto something when he was given this wisdom. To know Jesus is to know love.

So then, if to live is Christ then we must choose the hard and walk through it with Hope and Grace, because of His strength. That means choosing to wake up and have the hard conversations with your spouse. That means choosing to fight for your marriage. That means choosing to raise your child in the way you should. That means loving on the difficult neighbor or co-worker. That means choosing to be real and authentic with people while showing them the mercy of Jesus in your life.

Mamas, friends, loved ones - choose the hard in every day life. Even when it feels like the immediate inner sphere around you in slipping away piece by piece. Know that God is still holding on to you so tightly, and will never let you go.

"When the night is holding on to me,

God is holding on.

When the night is holding on to me,

God is holding on...."

That Old {Rugged} Cross

Let's talk about that old rugged cross and what it means to me.

As Easter is coming, the sweet old hymn of "Rugged Cross" is on repeat in my head. As a woman of faith, that cross represents so much to me -- the hope and joy I experience every single day is because the Son of God chose to hang from that old rugged cross and die for me and my sins. But He didn't do it just for me. No, he did it for everyone. 

Have a shared my story with you? Not my story of marriage or becoming a mom. Or the story of how I'm a sister to 3 younger siblings. Not the story of my dearest friendships or work life. No, this is my story of redemption and continual restoration day in and day out.

I was the kid that took my family to church. My mom will totally agree with this statement. I loved getting dressed up and going to the church I grew up in, looking at the stained glass cross at the front of the church and hearing about a man named Jesus. As I stepped into my teenage years, I walked through the confirmation process because, honestly, it's what I thought I had to do. Looking back now, I see that my head was in it but heart wasn't there and I had not been discipled properly to fully understand the weight of my decision (discipleship will be a whole 'nother platform I'll preach on someday).

So, I did that and became involved in youth group. I loved the friendships, the trips, feeling like I belonged to a group. Unfortunately, I was an inch deep and a mile wide in my faith. When I hit 18 years old and college, I ran fast and hard from church and my faith. I became wrapped up in a relationship that was nowhere near God-honoring or healthy. Towards the end of that relationship, God began removing those scales back from my eyes and leading me towards Him. Ultimately, I left the relationship and began chasing after Him again. I'll be honest, it was a very slow start and it wasn't entirely successful every day. But thank God for grace, amen?

Here's the thing about my faith and all that it is - it absolutely does not mean I have it all together, or that I don't struggle with things (hello anxiety, lack of patience, sour mouth, etc.). But because I have surrendered and said, "God, you're bigger than me. You're the only one that can change me," I have a hope and joy that is unexplainable. The finite problems of this world don't weigh me down anymore, and the fact that I know when I take my last breath on this earth, I will take my next breath standing before my Maker. How incredible is that? Do you believe in that?

Let's say I'm wrong for a minute, and all this Jesus stuff I believed in the majority of my life was just a bunch of story-telling. All that means is at the end of the day, I end up in the ground just like you and that's that. But what if I'm right, and all this Jesus stuff is legit? My life after my last breath, after that comma, will continue and be in a beautiful place called Heaven and I won't know suffering there, I won't have tears, and I will be with my Savior who died on that rugged cross for me. As for the one who didn't believe in this Jesus stuff, after their last breath and after their comma, their life will continue but we won't be together in Heaven. And that wrecks my soul in unimaginable ways. 

So, I tell you all of this because of a great quote by an atheist I once heard - "How much do I have to hate you to not share with you the greatest hope and joy I have?" 

I don't hate you but more than anything, I want you to know that there is hope and joy and peace and all of that even in the midst of suffering and struggle. Does my faith make bad things not happen to me? Absolutely not. But it makes going through the hard things easier because at the end of the day, this isn't my final home and this isn't where my hope lies. My hope lies in the one that hung on that old rugged cross.

"So I'll cherish the old rugged cross

'Til my trophies at last I lay down.

I will cling to the old rugged cross

And exchange it someday for a crown."

**If after reading this you have questions, please message me, text me, call me, send me a smoke signal. I will never ever shame you for asking questions, and I welcome the really hard questions that challenge my faith. I love you, but Jesus loves you more and you deserve to know Him.**

Six {Months} of You

Excuse me one moment, while I go and rock myself in a corner while silently weeping because it has been almost 6 months since we brought our greatest adventure home.

6... months... people....

That's half of a year away from the big day. How does one slow time down? Is there a Pinterest recipe or DIY step-by-step on how to accomplish this task? If ya'll find one, do let me know because I have to figure out the solution to this dilemma. Until then, I will continue to watch my baby boy grow right before my very eyes with the utmost joy in my spirit.

In all seriousness though, we really have enjoyed watching Beau grow into such a sweet little boy. For the first almost 2 years of his life, we watched him grow up through photos, videos, adoption agency updates, health reports, and personality/life stories provided by his foster family. We were very fortunate to receive all of that information while we waited for him, but there is nothing like watching his little life unfold real time. Nothing compares to seeing his goofy personality on a daily basis.

We'll also be celebrating his half birthday later this week. We landed in the U.S. just 15 minutes before he turned 2 years old, and we have seen him grow by leaps and bounds in the last 6 months. Everything from his adjustment to his new home, to his speech, to his personality. He is full of life and laughter, enveloped by a wild spirit that I pray will never be subdued. His smiles and giggles will absolutely send you into a fit of laughter with him. The hugs and kisses he gives are unlike any other.

Because I don't want to ever forget these moments, here is a glimpse into where our Beau man is at, for now, because we all know how quickly things change as each day passes:

1. Outside, outside, and more outside. On days that are beautiful and sunny (heck, even rainy days if I let him), we are outside. On the weekends, it's an all day event. As the weather is warming up, play time with water and dirt are usually involved {read: always}. I'm an adamant believer that sunshine is good for the soul, and getting dirty in the outside world is absolutely necessary for a kid and their imagination. 

2. Fruits! He is big on bananas and grapes but has recently taken a liking to strawberries and blueberries. Wait until watermelons and peaches come around, sweet boy. 

3. Beau is beginning to imitate words more so that has been fun to witness! Things like "ten" (when we count "6, 7, 8, 9...." he'll go "10!"), and "light" ("eye" because L's are hard to say), and "up, up, up... down!" are just a few that he has been mastering. Creating an environment where he is comfortable to chat it up has been key in his speech growth. We just talk all day long!

4. Night time routines are some of the sweetest routines we have. From bath time, to brushing our teeth, to story reading with Da, and then the sweetest kisses before we turn out the lights. Everything we do for Beau and with Beau is incredibly intentional - we want to continue to demonstrate to him that he is loved and cherished so very much. For a child that was removed from everything he knew, knowing that he is home, is crucial.

5. Legs. The boy has legs, and they are stretching! He is going to be so tall, just like his Da. Soon enough, he'll be taller than his mama. But as tall as he is getting, I can still hold my baby while he falls asleep on my shoulder. 

These are the days and moments I never want to forget. I know that we will blink and he'll be 5 years old, chatting it up, and exploring all the things with his childlike faith. Then we'll blink again and he'll be 12 years old, with such a tween attitude. Blink again, he'll be 16 years old and driving himself around (and driving us crazy with worry, I'm sure). And yet again, we blink and he'll be leaving me for college, or the military, or whatever dream he is pursuing.

As his mama, I'll know I did a good job raising and preparing my baby boy for the world ahead. God has given me one of the greatest responsibilities in raising one of His creations. I'm lucky to be Beau's mama and I'll be forever humbled by the fact that God chose me to be his. Of all the names and nicknames I have, I am called "Mama" by the most precious little boy to ever steal my heart and it is hands down my most favorite name.

Son, your Da and I have moved mountains for you only by the sheer grace and strength of God. The love we feel for you is unexplainable, and unlike anything we have ever known. I adore you, peanut.

Blueberry Muffins {and} Bible Reading Musings

There is nothing like a homemade southern blueberry muffin, complete with the crunchy topping. It just exemplifies the southern way of life when it comes to eating -- we don't skip out on the good stuff, folks. Blueberry muffins and anything with peaches in it. Let me stop while I'm ahead because man, my mouth is watering.

Now that we've established all that is right and holy with the blueberry muffins, let's move on to some Bible reading musings. I'm going to be totally honest here, is that alright with ya'll? 

I have always struggled with my Bible reading.

Like, always always. I have over the years admired the women in my life who can wake up before the sun rises, prepare their coffee and breakfast for the day (if they're a true southern woman, it's a blueberry muffin with crunchy topping, amen??), and dive into God's Word. And then they're able to go about their day and radiate the love of Christ to all they interact with. Very much the Proverbs 31 type gal.

Then there's me... 

I would set my alarm earlier, threaten myself before falling asleep that if I didn't wake up so-help-me-God, only to hit snooze and sleep in. Then of course, I'm rushing around like a mad woman with her britches bunched in a wad and just chastising the very existence of my soul for not waking up when I should have. Then the guilt sets in, you read a couple quick verses because "it's the right thing" (no, it's not, not if your heart is not in the right place), and go on about my day. What a travesty. Also, for those that are muttering, "Well she can do her Bible reading before bed." No, no she cannot. Because as soon as my body goes horizontal, my eyes close. Believe me when I say I've tried!

BUT. There is always victory in Jesus. 

I began a Bible reading plan through my Bible app and I thought to myself, "Okay, let's just read this. Let's dive into God's Word and READ it. Read it word for word as I would a novel." Again, let's be honest... Old habits die hard. But GOD. New habits can be formed with time, and perseverance, and patience, and the Spirit moving in you when you allow, and coffee, and blueberry muffins as snacks. The start was hard, I will not lie. But as I continued to press on toward the goal, I truly began to fall in love with the words before me. The stories and the reminders of God's faithfulness no matter what. Thank goodness for Jesus and His love for us!

My goal is to read the Bible entirely. I want to read the stories, psalms, passages, and love letters that my sweet Father intended for me. Once I have read through the Bible entirely, then I will go back through and dissect it piece by piece because for me, the stories will be familiar and I can say, "Oh! This is when this happened." Just as Jesus becomes familiar to me each and every day in my sanctification process, His Word will be like an old familiar friend when I read it. As a Christ follower, how can I NOT know my faith intimately? That would be like standing at the altar with Hunter making a vow to love and cherish... Only to turn, walk away, and hardly know the man. What is the point?? If I can do it, you can do it too. 

Thank you, Lord, for your Word filled to the brim with love and grace. And thank you for blueberry muffins.

Home {is} Where the Heart Is

Having a kid in the house ensures that every holiday will be celebrated to some degree. So of course, on St. Patrick's Day, I knew I wanted to create a fun meal and dessert for his ever-growing appetite. Shepherd's Pie with biscuits and homemade strawberry preserves was on the menu, followed by a "Lucky Leprechaun" dessert dirt cup. He was confused about the Shepherd's Pie but loved the green pudding and smashed Oreo's. You win some, you lose some. HA!

As I looked back on the picture I took of his little dessert cup before he devoured it, the sign in the background caught my eye... {HOME}

As a southern woman, I pride myself of creating a beautiful home. Complete with all the snackys, variety of drinks to offer, and cute pillows to adorn my couch. Because us southern women know that if we don't offer someone a drink the minute they walk into our homes and a comfy spot to land their toosh, we've committed the most atrocious cardinal sin as a proper southern lady, and our grandmothers would be rolling in their graves. God rest their souls.

As a Christ follower, the home front though carries a much deeper meaning. I strive to have my home represent a sanctuary for the weary who carry the burden of the world on their shoulders each day. My home should reflect the comfort and stability that Christ brings to our lives, to anyone that walks through our doors. But most importantly, I pray that my home is a place where anyone who comes will know without a shadow of doubt that they are loved not only by us, but more so by the Lover of their soul.

Lord, let the walls of my house carry Your name through them.

Taking {Stock}

Before we became parents, someone once told me that "the days are long but the years are short." Maybe for you friend, but for me? The days are short and the years are even shorter... How is that even possible??

Time flies when you're having fun, I presume.

Let's take stock of where we each are at today at the end of another week. How are you physically? Mentally? Spiritually? The hustle and bustle and every day grind can distract us from staying connected to our internal thermometer. We can become so busy just trying to keep up that before we know it, we're wondering why the internal cup is drained empty and how do we fill it back up. 

As a wife and mama, we wear many hats. Caregiver, chauffeur, chef, maid, lover, friend, employee, and the list goes on. We spend our entire day being needed by someone and exerting every bit of the best we have to offer to meet those needs. I hear you mama - it's a lot some days! But take heart and hear me when I say this...

... You're an incredible wife. You are a good mama to those babes. You're raising small humans to one day be strong like you and enter the world in which we live to thrive. As a sister in Christ, you're discipling and leading and guiding the small heart towards the Lord. You're doing big things, mama...

So if you find yourself overworked, exhausted, feeling defeated, or just tired of the routine - know that you are loved, cherished, and what you are doing matters. You are valued and appreciated. You truly are wonder woman. And rest in this - find your identity first as a daughter of God. From this, everything else will flow.

Daughter of God...

...

Wife striving to live the Proverbs 31 life...

...

Mama to littles that adore you...

...

Faithful friend to so many around you...

...

And so on.

Keep waking up, keep discipling, keep loving because the work you are doing now is making waves in the lives of those you impact. Find rest this weekend and refill your cup, mamas!

Here {I Am}, Send Me

Talk about knocking the dust off this 'ole here blog! I became swept up in reading all of the old posts, seeing God's faithfulness through the lens of being on the other side, and quietly thanking Him for new mercies every single day. Can I get an amen?!

The last post to grace the feed of this blog was August 2, 2017. My mind was instantly taken back to where we were in our adventures during that time....

... Miscarriage and infertility...

... Should we start the adoption process now or wait...

... Hunter's dad had been diagnosed with cancer...

Tears instantly prick the backs of my eyes because, MAN, those were some hard days. Shoot, months. Heck, let's go with years. So hard that I in fact decided to walk away from blogging. The writing, the story-telling, the sharing of Hope and Joy because other things needed my attention in those moments. One of the greatest followers of my blog and avid readers was Hunter's dad. It is because of him that I have decided to come back here today and resume my passion of writing, but more importantly, writing to glorify God.

In a world that is so dark and loud and evil, we are called to be light to others around us, to share the message of Hope and Joy and Peace, regardless of the humanly suffering we may face. 

So, a bit of an update if you will...

... Miscarriage and infertility are still part of our story. And it's a beautiful one. The women (and men) that we have been fortunate enough to meet and walk alongside in their journeys, in ministering to them, has been indescribably humbling and joyful.

... We started the adoption process May 2018. We waited 3.5 years to bring the most precious little boy home, and the journey for that is something I will absolutely be sharing in this space. His adoption story is a testimony at just how utterly amazing God is. We also want to encourage other families in their adoption process and to bring a sense of community for them.

... Hunter's daddy went to be with Jesus on May 20, 2019. His long-suffering and battle with cancer may have won on this side of heaven, but his heavenly healing ultimately won. Praise God for that! I see Ros every single day in his son, Hunter. From his laugh to his kindness to his sassy attitude, Hunter exemplifies his father. Ros would've loved his grandson.

Many more adventures have begun between now and then, and others have ended. Through it all, our eyes have been on the One who has held us up. No matter where God has us on this journey, our response to His callings strive to be, "Here I am, send me." Sometimes easier said, than done. But nevertheless, let it be me, God. 

Ros, I'm picking up the "pen" to begin writing again. This is for you.